One bottle of Pinot and two stomach cramps later…

So stylish! And that Master padlock has hidden away some of my deepest, darkest secrets...such as what I ate for lunch on a random Wednesday in 2002. (I can't believe I still remember the code.)

We’re drunk, my eyes are tearing from laughing so hard and I’m losing my voice from reading too many diary entries in dramatic, monologue style.

Myself and a girlfriend of mine recently discovered my diary documenting the summer before my freshman year, and leading into those first few delicate months of high school. (This was a time when I had lost my baby weight, was five-foot-nothing, shared size 1 jeans with my best friend and weighed 104 soaking wet.) The ridiculous amount of unnecessary detail in each entry is enough to make me bury my face in my hands.

Scribbled onto the inside cover: “My ‘High School Diary’ Started July 25, 2002 – Thursday”

Thursday.

I’m sure glad I wrote that down – it’s really going to be valuable information some day.

So, without further ado, I share with you fine people a few embarrassing glimpses into my 14 year old brain. I warn you – it’s not pretty. (But it is extremely detail oriented.)

*Some of the names in these entries have been changed to protect identity. And to protect myself from any more personal embarrassment. Although if anyone mentioned in my adolescent diary happens to stumble upon this post, I’m sure they’ll add up the evidence to discover it’s about them. Ah, well.

July 25, 2002

       I ripped out all of the old papers in here to make a new, “high school diary”! Because I know I’m going to need a lot of space for all of the new things I’m going to have to write about…

       The summer is going to be over soon, unfortunately! Here’s some of the stuff I’ve done so far this summer:

       I went out with *Zac Efron for 9 days. I know, not very long is it? But he took me on my first date! We went to Applebee’s for dinner, then we went miniature golfing. It was really fun. Me and *Zac held hands. It was so cute! By the way, his sister and her boyfriend and his parents came too. He broke up with me a couple days later because he said we’ll, “never see each other” because he’ll be down the shore all summer and we’ll be going to different schools (he’s a year younger than me). I don’t think that’s the real reason he broke up with me…

       Me and Kim went to Egypt on the Waterfront a couple weeks ago in Philadelphia. That place is so cool! We went on “Spoiled Rotten Sundays” for teens 14 to 18. There’s no alcohol, of course, but people can smoke in there which I don’t like. It’s bad enough with my parents. The dance floor was awesome. There was smoke, colorful lights, strobe lights, a stage, and great music! There were 2 dance rooms, one called “Disco 2000”. But they played anything BUT disco. Q102 was there with “Gary the Bus Driver”. I’ve heard him on the radio! Steph got his cell phone number off of the radio before, so I called her and told her he was there. There was this really cute guy there dancing around that smiled at me! We made eye contact!! I don’t know how old he was though…

——

I’ll end that entry here. Perfect. I’m surprised I didn’t have a map of the club’s layout prepared. And who did I think I was, acting so straight-laced? It’s too bad I do all of the things I looked down on years ago. (BTW – I would never, as an adult, set foot in a club that had a room labeled “Disco 2000”.) Oh – and that “boyfriend”? He finally came out of the closet a few years later. I hate my life.

August 1, 2002

       Right now I’m watching Unsolved Mysteries on Lifetime. I love this show.

       Me, mom, and dad watched Dragonfly yesterday. It’s a really good movie.

       Mom and dad are taking my aunt Sheri to a club this Saturday in Philly, for her birthday. It’s called Flat Spin or something like that. I have to sleep over Kelly’s. It’s going to be fun!

       We have to go to the mall tomorrow for Sheri’s present. We’re getting her a new belly ring. While we’re there, I’m getting the new CD by The Strokes. I love them!!

PS

       I saw Austin Powers last Sunday and it was shagadelic baby, yeah!

——

Hey, at least I had good taste in music. And for the record – I still love Unsolved Mysteries.The best part of this entry? The Austin Powers reference.

As the school year beings, there are various hearts and boys names followed by “forever” scribbled onto pages, that were later X’ed out. (When I was over them, obviously.)

September 27, 2002

       Geez! I haven’t written in a long time. Well, a lot has happened. But before I say anything else I have to say that Guns N’ Roses is going to be at the First Union Center December 6th and tickets go on sale tomorrow! Me and Kristina really want to go.

       Anyway, like I said, a lot has happened. I finally started high school and it’s not scary like I thought it was going to be. I have a lot of classes with my friends from middle school and I made a lot of new friends, my age and older. I’m sleeping over my friend Tiffany’s house tonight. I’ve had a lot of boy trouble already, too! An 11th grader named *Patrick Dempsey sits next to me in Biology and he asked me out. I said no! He’s really weird…I liked this kid named *James Franco and he wrote me a note saying he liked me since the first day of school! But then I found out he got back together with his girlfriend so that was the end of that. Now I like this guy named *Johnny Depp. He’s REALLY nice! I wrote a note to him and I’m going to give it to him on Monday. Unless I chicken out…

       Anyway, I went to South Street in Center City, Philadelphia with Dara last Saturday. It was so fun! I got really cool shoes for only $10! They kinda look like bowling shoes. They’re black with silver stripes and silver shoelaces! Well I’ll write more later.

PS

       There’s also this really hot 10th grader named Matt in my gym class!

PSS

       About *Zac Efron: I’m glad we broke up. He’s not my type AT ALL! Too immature…

——

I don’t think I used enough exclamation points in this entry! And I wish all the boys I’ve dated or crushed on were really hot movie stars! And I wish life was still so easy! And how grown-up of me to decide that, of course, *Zac was just way too immature for me. Gosh.

Might I mention, also, that none of these boys even remotely resembled the hot male actors I’ve replaced their true names with; at 14, everyone was too thin, too fat, lanky, bony, and awkward inside and out. No doubt.

October 2, 2002

       Well, as you can see by the “X” over “I ❤ *Johnny”, I got turned down. Sarah asked him if he would go to some dance with me if he didn’t like this other girl, and he said “No, no, no!”. The way he said it seems mean. I know I’ll get over it but being turned down still hurts. It was mostly the way he did it. It makes me feel so ugly and unwanted by everyone. I really want a boyfriend so I know I’m loved. I want to feel special and know someone cares about me. Right now I just feel hated. I’m even crying a little. Not because *Johnny doesn’t like me, but because he pushed me away like I was some disease. OK, I know I’m being a little drastic, but that’s how it feels. I wish someone liked me…

       I like this 10th grader named Matt. He’s really hot but doesn’t even know I’m alive. Sarah and Melanie think he’s gay.

——

       Like a light switch, baby. Just when I’m ready to bring out the violins, a quick paragraph change brings on another crush. Oh, and I must have a thing for gay men. What does this mean? Hm….

The next few entries go into even more detail about my first “real” boyfriend, etc, etc.

What would I like to tell the 14-year old me?

Simple.

GET A LIFE!

And stop wearing those pin-stripe bell-bottoms; they died out after the seventies.

What would you tell your 14-year old self?

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1 Comment

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One response to “One bottle of Pinot and two stomach cramps later…

  1. Thanks for sharing. I would probably also tell my fourteen-year old self to get a life. That, and to make a point of talking to girls more often.

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