Oh, that guy humping the floor over there? He’s working on his quads!

 

Oh! Of course. How could I have been so stupid?

As I made my way into my local Planet Fitness this afternoon, I popped in my ear-buds, got a drink of water and headed for the treadmill. During a normal routine at the gym, maybe I’ll stretch before running. Maybe I’ll start off with a light jog. Afterward, maybe I’ll get another drink of water before hitting the weights. All normal gym stuff, right?

As I jammed out to The Cranberries during my jog, a man on the treadmill in front of me had just finished his own run. But instead of cleaning off the machine and simply heading to his next activity, he put each hand on either side of his head, pointing his elbows out to either side, and quickly bent to the left and to the right, several times. He looked like a child having a temper tantrum.

And what exactly was this “exercise” doing? Beats me.

I’ve seen some people do some very strange things at the gym, and have also noticed that no one else ever seems to acknowledge it. Like it’s perfectly normal for the woman lying on her back to be flailing her arms wildly, as if she was drowning on the crunching bench. Am I the only one who doesn’t understand the benefits of this?!?!

Am I being left out of some top secret fitness routine?

I don’t know about anyone else, but I get a certain level of anxiety that builds in me, each time I work out in public. I have a strange fear of anyone watching me break a sweat and possibly look awkward doing it. I spend too much time sucking everything in to let anyone see it all hanging out while I’m doing sit-ups.

But that old guy next to me thrusting his groin into the air? No qualms.

And I won’t even touch on the horrifying amount of tight clothes and spandex I see every day. (You know what I’m talking about. Ugh…)

So please, lay off the flailing and the humping and the grunting and just exercise like a normal person.

And don’t do whatever is happening here, either.

 

 


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