“What did you just say to me?” “I said you’re a douche bag.”

After today’s post, I did a few things around the house and stepped out for a moment to run to the bank.

While I won’t get into my issues with idiot drivers (“road rage” is a topic I’m sure we could all discuss for hours), this rant does begin with the gentleman who decided to back out of his parking spot in front of me, after I had clearly started to back out of mine first. The calm, rational side of my brain told me, “Maybe he didn’t see you, Nicole! No big deal. Just give a friendly little beep and everyone will go on their jolly way.” But the side of my brain that bursts into flames every time something dumb like this happens caused me to talk angrily and loudly to myself (it’s okay, my windows were up), and lay on my horn like there was no tomorrow.

Alright, I probably could have handled this better, but these things make me wonder. How did you not see me? Were you on your cell phone? Were you picking your nose? Did you just decide to back out without looking, because clearly if someone else was also backing out of a spot, it was their job to stop for you?

Anyway, as I was yelling out loud to no one – and someone – in particular, the man stopped and craned his neck out of his own window, mustering the dirtiest look he could throw in my direction. Was I supposed to be intimidated?

I rolled my own window down, just in time for him to open his door and say, “what did you say to me?”.

And what if I responded with, “I said you’re a big douche bag”?

Was he planning on exiting his vehicle and brawling with me in the middle of the day in the bank parking lot?

Instead I said, “I SAID I WAS BACKING OUT FIRST”. With this he closed his door and went on his merry way.

My point here is I wish everyone could have heard the danger in his voice; the condescending way he looked at me and spoke to me. It makes me sick to my stomach, the way some grown men (not all, but quite a large number), will speak to females of all ages, let alone a young woman who – in my opinion of myself – does not look very intimidating.

A few weeks ago, as I was spinning in circles at work taking care of a full ten table section, I gave one table in particular (2 men and 2 women) a quick smile and greeting, followed by, “what can I get for you?”. Now I say this nicely, but with an obvious “I’m in a rush” in my voice.

The airport is different than your standard sit-down restaurant experience. Things are fast-paced; people have flights to catch! No one plans on lingering.

Long story short, the man was extremely rude (and condescending), telling me that “this is how the restaurant business is” (because obviously I don’t know);when I apologized (although I shouldn’t have), for seeming to be in a rush, he gently tapped the red bow I wore in my hair that day and said, “it’s alright, that bow must be cutting off the circulation to your brain”. I smiled, took the order, and walked away.

The women sat there and said nothing. They allowed this man – one of those women most likely this man’s wife – to speak to me as if I was worthless.

I witness this on an almost daily basis, no matter where I may be.

How do these men treat the other women in their lives, when they think treating a 23 year old with such disrespect is perfectly acceptable? Do they have daughters? God, I hope not. What kind of example are they setting for them? Would they not ring the neck of any man who dared treat her like that?

It really is pathetic. I am so lucky to be able to say I am one of the lucky few who has snagged a man with manners. I would be out of my mind embarrassed if Joe ever treated anyone (woman OR man!) with such disregard; and he never would. This goes for us women, as well; we should treat our male counterparts with respect, too.

We should all – myself included – learn to bite our tongues a little more.

End. Rant.

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11 Comments

Filed under Job, Uncategorized

11 responses to ““What did you just say to me?” “I said you’re a douche bag.”

  1. If it makes you feel better, I have said what the waitress, cashier, desk clerk, etc. was thinking on many an occasion. I’ve been there, and while they don’t want to lose their jobs and have to put up with it, I have nothing to lose and everything to gain in terms of entertainment. OH YEAH – may I direct your attention to the site called Not Always Right? You’ll love it.
    http://notalwaysright.com/

  2. That rant was F’N Fantastic. I loved it.

  3. I can’t believe you were so polite to the guy at work. That makes me sick that a grown man would act that way. I hope he doesn’t have a son who will learn that behavior. It certainly makes you appreciate the guys who are respectful of women.

    • Well the conversation was a bit longer; at one point he said “I don’t like your attitude” (although I don’t think I had one), so I said, “Well, I sense sarcasm in the way you’re speaking to me”. That was me being “rude”, lol. And yes, it does make you appreciate the respectful ones!!

  4. You’ve made such an important point here. This is akin to the rudeness and disregard people have for the poor, too, and a lot of people assume that most waitstaff are poor and “therefore less important and less intelligent.” How does a society approach changing the way we treat each other when so many people don’t care about the issues involved?

    Back when I worked at an upscale supermarket deli, one customer kept treating me like that. He kept saying “mayonnaise” when he didn’t want it on his sandwich (trust me, after he complained, I had pen and paper during every lunch rush and repeated every word in everybody’s order to them as I wrote it down, out of fear.) Once he actually threw apples at my head. I was in shock when he hit me. At this point in life, I know I should have insisted that the store call the police, but back then I settled for an apology from the assistant manager and his assurance that I didn’t have to wait on this guy again.

    People who treat other people with such disregard is the root of all that’s wrong with us. Tolerance of the small cruelties creates a foundation for the horrible atrocities we keep seeing. Those other women at the table should be ashamed of their silence.

    • I’m so sorry you were treated like that, Re. But trust me, I completely understand that you didn’t initially think of calling the police. When these things happen, sometimes you’re so shocked by the person’s behavior that following up on it doesn’t even cross your mind.
      Thank you for your words. I agree, I couldn’t believe they let that man talk to me like that. If I were them, I would have been completely embarrassed.

  5. aubrey

    This past Friday I bit my tongue on two occasions with such determination and ferocity that I thought blood could come spurting out of my mouth.

    Also, answering phones, dealing with people a) who think I should know who they are just by hearing their first names, b) who think they can call a business without identifying their place of business, c) who think it’s OK to use the Irritable voice with me and the Happy voice with the person they get transferred to and then d) working in a business where I am NOT allowed the simple pleasure of slamming the phone down…well, it brings me to the point of coming to work with a .22 in my purse.

    But once again I bite my tongue.

  6. Oh, boy. People who talk down to you on the phone are like those who grow “muscles” when talking smack via computer. They hold nothing back when they are not face to face with the other person.
    No regard for others. I commend you for putting up with such crap.

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