Every Day I’m Shufflin’

As Joe and I drove to work in Philadelphia the other day, windows down, the 85 degree weather beating down on my head, we noticed a man selling bottles of water by the side of the road.

The frosty looking bottle of water in his left hand was  the first thing my dry mouth noticed, but my eyes soon wandered to the strange space that had been formed between his shirt and his belt, replaced by some wrinkled, plaid-looking material.

Was he trying to get a breeze going back there? It was pretty warm outside. Was he simply showing off his “lady (manly?) lumps”? Eh, I wasn’t impressed. Did he think it would sell him more bottles of water? I didn’t see anyone waving him over with money in their hand.

And so I wonder: what is the deal with men who choose to wear their pants directly below their cheeks? Now I’ve seen men of all colors do this, by the way. I don’t think it is a matter of race, but one of idiotic “style”.

What goes through ones head as he wakes in the morning, lays out his outfit for the day, and proceeds to put his jeans on one leg at a time just like every other (actually, sometimes I like to sit on the edge of the bed and stick both feet in at the same time); how do the jeans only end up making it a little more than halfway to their destination? Did they get caught on something on the way up, and their wearer felt too defeated to carry on?

Is it laziness?

Then there’s the question of whether or not the jeans are too large. It seems mostly to be tall, thin men who rock this strange trend; never really large men. However, I’ve seen the “emo kid” wear his too-tight jeans below his booty as well, held in place by his shiny, rock star pistol belt buckle, or the Batman one he reserves for special occasions.

Do they buy their jeans three sizes larger on purpose? Or are the jeans a hand-me-down from a full figured relative? (There’s an exception.) And the belt…do you have to buy the belt a few sizes smaller, to hold the jeans in proper place?

And then there’s the task of walking! I imagine they’d have to shuffle around all day, since the legs are partially restricted by the jeans and the belt. How do you sit down and stand back up again? Do you need help? Do you have to grab on to the person next to you? What if no one’s around?

Are the boxers considered in this equation, too? Should they be stylish? Do you check for holes before getting dressed? Is letting your ass hang out in winter acceptable, as well? Do you wear Christmas underwear then? Is there a support group for this?

It’s all too much for me to handle.

Thoughts?

I’ve only just scratched the surface of the butt cleavage phenomenon.

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17 Comments

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17 responses to “Every Day I’m Shufflin’

  1. I’ve seen pants made that are sewn onto a pair of boxers in the “correct” place. At least that way, I guess they run no risk of losing their pants altogether! Love your pie chart by the way! I kept wondering why you would have chosen the same color for two different categories, but it made me smile when I “got it.”

    • Sounds like a great idea! However, it worries me that with those pants we may catch a glimpse of more than just the boxers, lol!

      And shame on me for forgetting to give proper credit to where I found that pie chart, via Google. (Fixing this now!) I do wish I would have made it, it’s pretty clever. 😉 But glad you enjoyed! Thanks for reading. 🙂

  2. You took the words right out of my mouth! I sooo agree with you on how weird this is!! So many questions, so few answers. 🙂

    My WOH piece at the link below touched on this as well as today’s tendency toward men wearing their jeans extra loose. (You’ll know what rap song I was thinking of before I wrote it.) My daughter says she can’t quite put her finger on what’s wrong with my poem/rap, so any feedback would be appreciated. 🙂

    https://wordsonehundred.wordpress.com/2012/03/25/no-lie/

    • LOVED that post, Re. Hilarious!!! I thought it flowed great; I loved that there were just subtle hits around the beginning and end that made me think of that rap song you were going for ;), without it being overwhelming. It was still original, and so funny.

  3. One late summer day at JC Penny’s, I saw a 3d or 4th grade suburban boy practically throw a tantrum because his mother sent him back to the dressing room to take off jeans like you describe. “You’re not getting those,” she said in no uncertain terms, and refused to listen to his, “Aww Mom, everyone’s doing it” lament.

    So the first answer – it’s style. Keep up such keen observation and perhaps you will become to men’s fashion, what Mr. Blackwell was to women’s.

    On the other hand, consider that the most memorable youth culture styles over the years were the one’s that most upset “the older generation.” How tame things have been on that front lately was recently underscored by accounts of how a certain presidential candidate dealt with a long-hair back in the day.

    Next time you see a butt crack like that, ask yourself, “What would Mitt do?” Stuff that fool into a snuggie, I’m thinking.

  4. OMG THE PIE CHART LOOKS LIKE A PLUMBER’S CRACK! Whoa.

  5. This post is such a writer thing to do; to see something and go off on all the questions, the what if and what for and why and how come…A friend tells me that only writers do this and that anyone else would see the same thing and maybe laugh or say, ‘that’s weird’ and go on with the day. I’m not sure I agree with her but it fits in a lot of ways. We should figure out how to do a study. Find this water bottle guy again, have him do his thing, and then stop people going by and ask them what they’re thinking and afterwards if they are writers or not. Anyway, great post. I always wonder how they expect to run. What if there’s an emergency? What if a drunk driver comes up on the sidewalk? What if they realize they’re late to something important? See, again with the questions.

    • I’m not sure if I agree with that either, but I bet there’s a lot of people who think just like us writers do, the only difference being they don’t run immediately to their blogs, or their journals, or their short stories and use these kinds of things for inspiration, wanting to know what others think, too. I think I’m going to invest in one of those yellow and orange vests and stop traffic next time I see this guy out there, haha! If they’re in a hurry, I guess that’s when it’s time to abandon the pants, throw ’em over one shoulder, and make a run for it!

  6. Just proof we’re getting old, Nicole. think of how our parents looked at our styles of dress whe we were younger.
    Just sayin..

    • My mom made me wear a FUBU shirt when I was 10, and I was made fun of. I blame her for any embarrassing things I wore!!! Except when I got to high school, and rocked hot pink eye shadow and leggings and jean skirts and even lace gloves, and every teacher called me “Flash Dance”. I guess that was all my doing. 😉

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