“You’re an ass!” – Terms of Endearment

I really might buy this for Joe. He loves Spider Man AND calling me an ass!

I really might buy this for Joe. He loves Spider Man AND calling me an ass!

Don’t get me wrong – this post is filled to the brim with butterflies and hearts and mushy things. Every couple has those sweet little things they whisper to each other, those silly nicknames (I lovingly refer to Joe as Charlie. For an explanation, see the video at the bottom of this post. Even though you may leave more confused.), you know, all that cutesy shit!

Joe and I like to spread our love all over each other by constant torturing. No, not the fun kind (if you’re freaky and consider that fun….) Here, I offer an example. This has been going on all morning.

::I’m downstairs creepin’ on blogs, Joe is upstairs paying bills and doing important things::

::I yell up the stairs:: “I’M HUUUUNNNGGRRRYYYYYY!!!!”

::Joe yells down the stairs:: “Can you wait five minutes? I know you’re starving to death, but I’m doing things that need to be done.”

::I come up the stairs and dramatically lay on the floor in the hallway:: “Oh I forgot, I’m the lazy one! Sorry I can’t go 8 hours with nothing but an air sandwich for lunch.”

::Ignores me:: “I’m paying bills!”

::I get up and stick my face right in his face, blocking the computer screen with my big noggin, kissing him all over his face::

::Joe laughs:: “GET OUT OF MY FACE, YOU ASS!”

::I laugh, too:: “YOU’RE THE ASS!

Joe: “No, YOU are the ASS.”

This went on for quite a while until I slinked back downstairs to eat a piece of cheese, still whining about breakfast and how I always make him dinner and waaaahhhhhh.

– A few minutes later –

::Joe appears downstairs::

::Looks in my cup::

“What’s that?”

Me: “It’s orange juice, ass. No, I’m sorry, it’s VODKA.”

Joe: “Wouldn’t be surprised!”

::I shoot him an evil look::

::He cackles:: (I really need to post a recording of this man’s laugh. It’s contagious, seriously.)

::Creeps in the fridge::

“What’d you buy a whole head of lettuce for?”

Me: “FOR US TO EAT, YOU ASS!”

::I start writing this post, I tell him I found a button I should buy him::

Joe: “What’s it say? ‘I live with an ass’?”

– A few more minutes later – (This literally just happened and I had to throw it in.)

::Joe goes upstairs, into the bathroom::

“What is this coffee ring on the bathroom sink?”

Me: “What are you talking about? The cat did it!” ::giggles::

Joe: “ASS, were you drinking your coffee while takin’ a poop?”

Me: “NO!” (Really, I wasn’t. I swear!)

Joe: “You’re dirty.”

All love, baby. I’m sorry if you don’t find this as hilarious as I do.

Ah, well. Here’s a funny video to make up for it.

Also, a huge thank you to the infamous Edward Hotspur for bestowing me with the Very Inspiring Blogger Award. Follow him, he’s the bee’s knees. (Also, go tell this guy he’s the bee’s knee. He loves that.)

And don’t forget to catch up on this week’s edition of Friday Foolishness!

Have a superb weekend, everyone!

And for the record, I’m just now smelling bacon in the kitchen. What an ass. ❤

 

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46 Comments

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46 responses to ““You’re an ass!” – Terms of Endearment

  1. Fully appreciate the ‘cutesy shit’. I get this. Love this.

  2. Awwwwwww….. My wife and I do a whole bunch of that, with code words that mean things the kids don’t understand, and other things, and basically I can’t tell you any of it because you’re too young. But we make people sick with the PG versions!

  3. Pingback: Daily Prompt: This Is Your Life | Stuph Blog

  4. Oh my god! This sounds like us! And me and my kids have watched Charlie and his trip to candy mountain as long as I can remember. I even got them Candy Mountain T shirts for Christmas one year. You rock my friend! Loved this post!

  5. That’s true love.
    At home I call the other person walrus, one he said, I hate you call me walrus, there’s nothing worse than that. I said it was, and since that I call him Satan.

  6. Hmmm…it appears my comment never made it here. So I’ll try again. THIS time if it doesn’t appear I’ll know it’s being moderated by a malicious author.

    Anyhow, as I said in my phantom comment that you can’t see (that’s redundant, isn’t it?), I loved this post until the very end when you started with all the bee’s knees crap. You shall rue that low blow. Hey! That rhymes, too!

  7. Sounds like you got it made, chick. Especially if you can pinch one off while having your morning Java. Pretty soon Joe will be brushing his teeth while you make your stinkies. Love knows no boundaries!

  8. And I thought my wife and I were a pair of characters….

  9. We get the pets involved in a faux passive-aggressive way. Ex: “Go tell your mom to mind her own beeswax or she’ll hear from my lawyer.” or “Go tell your father that we’re leaving. Pack your bags, we’re better than this.” hee hee.

  10. My girl and I do that all the time.

    Keep Candy Mountain. I’ll stick with Llamas with Hats.

  11. Yessssss!! Charliiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

    This is super cute 🙂

  12. This type of bantering is the sign of a heathy relationship. I hope the bacon was delicious.

  13. Pingback: Feel the Love | wordsandotherthings

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