A Not-So-Super Power

anxiety

A little conversation with a friend/fellow blogger last night sparked a realization that we share a pretty sweet superpower. I mean, this ability actually allows us to make things happen….with our minds.

More people possess this power than some may think. Your mother, brother, sister, alcoholic uncle, hell – maybe even YOU!

That’s right boys and girls, no cape or pair of tights needed for this one! I can do this with my eyes closed! In my pajamas! At work! While drinkin’ a beer! In the shower! While crying into a tub of froyo!

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s…

anxiety girl

 

 

 

Not what you were expecting, eh? Well not every superpower is so glamorous, ya know.

Suffering from anxiety makes me feel a little crazy, but then I take a deep breath and remember I’m not the only one who thinks that ringing in her ears is every single person she knows saying something bad about her. I’ve even tried that whole “relax, stop giving a sh*t” thing, but yeah, that doesn’t work.

When I began dating my (now) husband, I was head over heels from the start. He was intelligent, hilarious, a very fine musician, and a bonus, extremely good-looking. But I wanted to, uh, “keep my cool”. Not seem clingy, ya know? I wanted to look all cool and stuff. If only he could have seen me tearing my own thumbs away from my phone’s keyboard, I wouldn’t have looked all cute and mysterious. Having a pep talk with yourself while in your pajamas – and probably watching a Lifetime movie – doesn’t file under either “cute” nor “mysterious” in my book. I wanted so badly to see him, all the time, but knew if he felt the same he’d contact me. And he always did. (And no, I don’t mean to say the man should do all of the work – in this scenario, he worked nights as a bartender, so I avoided “bothering” him while at work. But that’s another issue for another post!)

Anyway, my friend Sarah and I spent a lot of time together during the entire courting stage, and I have to thank her for not bashing her head against a wall for all the times she listened to my lavish stories.

Me: “I texted Joe, and he hasn’t texted me back yet. It’s been like, two hours.”

Sarah: “Dude, maybe he’s sleeping. Maybe he’s at work. Maybe he’s watching a movie.”

Me: “No, no he must have met someone else. His house must be on fire and he’s locked inside. Should we go save him? Maybe he left the country. His car must be broken down in a remote area with no cell service. Maybe his phone died. Someone stole his phone! OH GOD HE WAS ROBBED AND MURDERED!”

Sarah: “I really dislike you sometimes.”

Good thing I already roped him into marrying me. Love you, Joe. 🙂

On a podcast over at Peter DeWolf, Peter and ChowderHead discuss women, and expressing emotions; along the way something is mentioned about being the “writerly” type and the advantages and disadvantages that brings to the table in a relationship. For me, being a writer suffering from anxiety is like being that bull in that china shop. Every single thing I look at and listen to becomes a story in my head, ranging anywhere from mild to downright insane. Good material, I guess. ::sigh::

I wish the inside of my head looked as cool as my man Poe's.

I wish the inside of my head looked as cool as my man Poe’s.

 

But like I said before: I have the ability to put this power to use any time, any where. Like that time we flew to Disneyworld and I sipped away on my Jack & Diet while in my mind the plane malfunctioned and nosedived into the ocean and Joe and I said our romantic goodbyes and everyone attended my funeral, even that girl I hate, any my mom said something really nice, and everyone cried, then they buried me WHEN I SPECIFICALLY SAID I WANTED TO BE CREMATED. Ahem.

Some days I’ll be on an elevator at work and picture my entire day coming to a halt because I’m stuck for hours on the damn thing. I even consider how bad it would suck, depending on the temperature in there.

Some nights I’m on the train or walking to my car and I keep my phone at the ready in case I’m mugged or an attempted rape occurs. But that’s because these things really happen, because the world sucks sometimes, and it’s a good thing to be alert in these situations.

So would anyone else like to reveal themselves? Don’t be shy. We’re just extra special.

 

 

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23 Comments

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23 responses to “A Not-So-Super Power

  1. I’d reveal myself, but seriously, maintaining a secret identity is hard
    How Clark Kent pulled it off with just a pair of glasses is beyond me.

  2. Let’s try to spin this in a positive way: In the worst case scenario, the girl you hate comes to your funeral. So maybe this is a sign that you guys could actually potentially be friends. Out of anxiety, a new friendship could be born!

  3. I am anxiety girl too! Phew, that felt good. I think too much about what to have for breakfast. It’s an important decision, it can affect your entire day! And trips to the supermarket with anxiety are exhausting. But then who else has the ability to turn a mundane supermarket into an adventure park, right?

  4. Hah, I recognise that ‘he didn’t text me back’ situation, but a bit different. My best friend once started hesitating when a guy she liked suddenly sent one ‘x’ instead of two. I guess that’s just what caring about someone does to you…
    But yeah, recently I imagine myself falling and breaking arms and necks when taking stairs. It’s getting annoying, because you start to really fear this. And that sucks.

    Congrats on the super powers though ;).

  5. My super-power is to find the humor in even the shittiest situation. That’s a super-power, right? I’m going with it.

  6. haha! *wink wink*

    You know, I was gonna go grocery shopping tonight because I didn’t have anything in the fridge, but then I realized that it was rush hour and nothing good comes of rush hour…especially that really bad car accident I saw last week involving a dump truck and some marathon runner with a blood-spurting knee…and it’s cold out so hypothermia is always a possibility too, and shit, well, people die from that!

    I didn’t want to die.

    I ordered take out instead.

  7. I’m not allowed to reveal myself anymore because of that court or-
    Um, I mean, I’ve said enough. Let’s just say I’ve had my share of things, and worked my way out of all of them, except the ones I’m working my way out of now. No biggie.

  8. I have 2 super powers (not trying to top anyone else, but you SAID reveal) I can be the most arrogant self-satisfied SOB you ever saw, while simultaneously perceiving that I am obviously the least qualified, stupidest person in the room – it’s exhausting, but in the end they balance each other out and I mostly stay quiet and drink too much and go home alone…it’s just better that way.

  9. Let’s get something straight, I always try to wear a cape as much as possible, sometimes even just on my underwear. Haha!

    As for the rest of your post, I like it. Anxiety Girl 🙂 I’m glad you’re so accepting of it. To me, being able to write a post about it and acknowledge your anxiety is fucking awesome (I can cuss right? I can’t remember anymore which blogs I shouldn’t cuss on…). I think we all go through this shit, some more than others. I make weird noises when I get anxiety to distract myself. It works for me but I haven’t roped anyone into marrying me so maybe this isn’t working in my favor 😉 Haha.

  10. I bought my gf an “Anxiety Girl” Tshirt a couple of years ago. 🙂

  11. jadedaniella

    I guess I must be one of the extra special ones. As I am the type over think a situation too the point where everyone has died and im the only one left as no one will pick up there phone 🙂

  12. At least you exercise the source of your powers, Nicole.
    I’ve lost track of just how many brain donors I’ve encountered over the years….

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