Spontaneous Changes

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

Lao Tzu

When does sorrow become selfishness? I’ve been questioning this for a while now. Is it possible to uphold such a philosophy when one’s lifestyle is suddenly altered? When relationships change, do we simply shrug our shoulders and carry on?

When someone special to us finds happiness, especially when we are also important to that person, we should do nothing but express our own happiness for them. More specifically, when a best friend finds herself completely engulfed in love you want nothing more than to be there holding her hand while she’s shouting it from the rooftops. But when you’ve scaled down the side of the building and the celebrating has subsided and you find yourself spending weeknights trolling the internet rather than cuddled up together watching that movie you’ve seen a thousand times…then what? Then that smile on your face begins to fade a bit, you glance at your phone a little less (there’s nothing there anyway), you become….bitter.

It’s funny, how friendships are so very similar to romantic relationships. You sulk, your temper shortens, you complain to your poor, loving husband because you’re sad. Who will gossip with me? He certainly doesn’t want to.

But in brief moments of clarity you realize you’re acting like a child and you vow to live by that quote, to let reality be reality, to accept that things change, to put the smile back on your face and carry on. Then a week passes by and you find yourself curled up on the couch with the blanket with the dog hair on it and a pint of froyo in your face, watching that movie you’ve watched a thousand times. Alone.

So when does the kicking and screaming become a selfish endeavor? When should one accept the inevitable, simply be happy for their loved one, hope that one day things are as they used to be? (They may never be.)

I’d like your thoughts, your opinions, your own experiences. I’m hard at work questioning my own feelings. It’s all out of love, isn’t it? Perhaps that makes it alright.

Let it come, and let it be.



And when said friend has been there through your entire relationship, and made your bachelorette party/shower/wedding absolutely amazing because of her help….then the bitterness is extra selfish. Shame on me.


Filed under Uncategorized, Writing

14 responses to “Spontaneous Changes

  1. Since you put it that way, you’re not being selfish – you’re just missing your friend. It would only be selfish if you demanded your friend alter their behavior to suit your needs instead of theirs.

    Also, wait til you have kids. Yikes.

    • Edward,

      Thank you, that does make me feel a little better. Oh man, I know….she has said, and I quote “Who’s gonna drink wine with me when you and Joe have a baby?!?!?!”. This should be a good time. 😉

  2. Once you have the baby, drinks are on! It’s the nine months prior that will be dry. You could drink sparkling grape juice like my kids drink on New Year’s Eve?

  3. I just simply adore your writing… no matter what you write about.

  4. It souds like your friend has found the type of love that you have all ready found. It has changed your relationship, but hopefully not destroyed it?
    Forgive yourself for feeling a loss in your life, the loss of the way things were. But as your friend’s relationship matures just think how much more the two of you will have in common?
    Forgive her for changing your relationship. You know it was not done intentionally. She is still your friend, be there for her as she was for you.

  5. What’s all this lying around, agonizing, self-reflection stuff?
    You’re entitled to feel whatever you feel. After all, they’re your feelings and they’re all you really have in this life.
    So feel bitter if you want to, baby!
    (Just don’t make a career of it.)

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