Daily Post: Syncing the Selves

Look in the mirror. Does the person you see match the person you feel like on the inside? How much stock do you put in appearances?


I’ve blogged about body image before; when something sits on your shoulder from the time you wake to the time you close your eyes, how can it not wiggle its way into your writing? My feelings about myself are on my tongue, in my fingertips, in my hips when I’m shimmying into a pair of jeans.

So, does that girl I see in the mirror match the girl in my chest? Sometimes. Only sometimes. They like to tango back and forth, one rising to the surface while the other sleeps for a while. I could catch my reflection in the kitchen window and smile at how my hair curves just above my eyebrows that day. But then, the lights inside could simultaneously be off and that version of me just below the skin could be stumbling blindly around trying not to stub her toe on anything.

Other times I find myself glowing so brightly I’d swear you could see the sun behind my eyes, but looking in the mirror you’d only guess I was hurting. Straight lips, slumped shoulders, bad hair, bad outfit. I like the way I look just after a shower, fresh faced. Thankfully the mirror above the medicine cabinet doesn’t allow for anything I wouldn’t like to look at. Being short has its perks. Out of sight, out of mind. Sometimes.

It’ll be a forever-struggle, desperately trying to sync up those two layers of self. Once in a while there is a glimpse of that girl – a complete 360 of courage, confidence, happiness. It’s like the possessed, floundering in moments the Devil loses his grip and allows them to break through and cry for help, before going under again. Maybe that’s a bit much, but you get the point. For some it’s that serious.

As for stock in personal appearances? I fully believe that how you look on the outside is sometimes a reflection of how you feel on the inside. I also believe that we sometimes cover what we believe is inner ugliness with nice clothing and lots of lipstick (if you’re a woman…but even if you’re not, too!). But who doesn’t immediately feel somewhat better when they slip into a cute outfit?

I want to embrace my imperfections and rename them as gifts that are only mine to have.


Nicole Marie

How do you feel when you look in the mirror? How do you feel on the inside? Is it a perfect match?



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35 responses to “Daily Post: Syncing the Selves

  1. as women we have such a tempestuous relationship with the person in the mirror – you sum it up perfectly. one day we are fine, the next day a supermodel, the day after, trash. the inner and the outer are too entirely separate, but dependent issues. thanks for your post!

  2. Ooooo, I like your words. I agree with you, sometimes. But I like you post. Thank you. Keep writing.

  3. I wish I had comforting words for you, Nicole. I’m so sorry you struggle with this.

    As for me, when I look in the mirror I see a guy who eats to much and needs to get out and exercise more…

  4. People see themselves as changing wildly from day to day in appearance. I don’t think that’s true. Most people see OTHER people as barely changing unless some drastic change has been made. So don’t worry! To most people, you are cute and bubbly and mysterious and stuff – you HAVE to take that into consideration. Especially if those people are your hubs.

  5. cherished79

    The mirror and the eating disorders.

  6. cherished79

    Reblogged this on LIVING IN STIGMA.

  7. Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:

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  9. “I want to embrace my imperfections and rename them as gifts that are only mine to have.” This is one of the most beautiful lines I’ve read in awhile!

    I think our outer selves can certainly be a reflection of our inner ones. Even “trying too hard” as you mentioned is masking something.

    • Thank you, Jen! You are very sweet. I really appreciate that. We can only hope more of us will find that way of appreciating what we are, inside AND out. Fat chance in today’s world, but I can keep on dreamin’.

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  12. I have a gut that is currently out of control, but my exterior and interior are otherwise in perfect sync.
    Great post – again!

  13. Taking care of yourself, like wearing something nice and putting on some makeup, always helps me feeling better… Things depend on the angle too :).

  14. I tend to blog after the fingers and the brain have been loosened, but not completely wiped out, with alcohol. I have taken, probably 100, “selfies” during those sessions trying in vain to find a pic (to use on my blog) that looks as “reasonably ok for a 58 year old guy” as my slightly drunken reflection in the mirror looks to me (people “glow” a little when they’re just the right amount of drunk, don’t you think?). It never happens. I can sit and look at my reflection in a hand mirror, and take the shot, and it never looks as good as the mirror, and I have the same eyes seeing both the picture and the mirror. I need photoshop, I guess. Just like orange juice isn’t just for breakfast any more, “Vanity, thy name is woman” has to be amended to include man.

    • Some people just don’t see themselves as photogenic, and I say screw the photo, as long as you’re seeing something good in that mirror. As long as you’re feeling good about YOU somewhere along those lines. And I agree, some people DO “glow” when they’re just the right amount of drunk 🙂 I, too, like to wait until the wine is flowing before I write!

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