Tag Archives: change

When We Are Here

daddyandson

Somewhere, ages ago now
I was setting sail on bones and ash,
catching the wind with an old t-shirt,
watching you and everything I knew
turn doll-size in the distance.

Miles had spread at a viral rate
by the time I went overboard and you

you

were already there to buoy me back to shore,
to refill my chest with all the reasons there were to stay
and when I opened my eyes all I noticed was the
brilliant orange of the sun as it left us.

So I’ve been using all your edges to keep me upright
but you’ve never seemed to mind (you’re too busy
seeing me in some post-apocalyptic calm, something
I cannot), you who chooses over and over to
stand out in the rain with me.

It’s all so surreal now, way back behind us,
and it feels like someone else’s temporary sorrow
when we are here, cradling the shiny newness of a
living, breathing thing that has your mouth, my chin, your nose.

It is almost impossible to think how simple
a decision it was, to look into your eyes, nod, press my mouth,
my body to yours and suddenly we were changed.

I think I’ll spend forever thanking you.

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For A Time

Water spiraled out in rings
Like the ones in the trees
Like the ones in my head
Climbing up and fading back into itself
Reaching for any break in the routine

I ran rough fingers
Over the smoothest rock I could find,
A flawless grey lost in a mob of
Blemished red and orange
It was hidden deep,
Down by the cool earth
Down where no sunlight could reach

Thumb and index gripping both sides
A flick of the wrist my father taught me
I broke the surface with a plunk,
I threw myself into the river,
I skimmed the surface for a time
Until my momentum slowed
And I sank to the bottom
Tangled in a plastic bag
Tangled in some odds and ends

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Happenings

The past week feels like a blur, but what was I doing, really?

Playing with my new Xbox, soaking in the last moments with Joe’s parents before their journey back home, working a few shifts, relaxing and enjoying.

The dinner with all four parents went extremely well, by the way. So very happy about it!!! Whenever my lazy ass gathers the energy, there are all kinds of pictures to be posted on my spiffy new digital camera.

Joe and I both worked on New Years Eve until about 7PM; sounds like we got lucky, right? Time to par-tay! Stay up late! Watch that ball drop! Get our drink on!

Not when you’re both working the suicide shift at work the next morning. 5:30 AM to 9 PM. Oh yes, that’s right. Sixteen fabulous, fun-filled hours. (It was totally worth it, though, no matter how bad I wanted to crawl underneath the bar and take a snooze.)

Needless to say, we did not celebrate with friends on New Years Eve. Instead, we grabbed a 6 pack, each had one, and crawled into bed at 10:30. Midnight kiss a little premature, but it was fine by me. I woke up (briefly) at 12:01 anyway, from the booming of the fireworks and shouts outside our bedroom window, and all of the text messages that began flowing in.

We’ve been window shopping homes and taking each day as it comes.

My anxiety is getting easier to handle; it’s sort of like relearning to take things as they come – something I had no problem doing one month ago, but have had a problem with at several other points throughout my life. So, it’s just getting back in the ring, just like before. (Therapy continues to help.)

Joe is forming a new band with some friends, and I begin an 8-week writing course this Monday.

Dear Change,

I welcome you, no matter how intimidating you may seem at times. Be kind to me.

Love,

Nicole

I hope everyone is having an amazing 2012 so far.

🙂

 

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