I like to consider myself a generally easygoing, friendly individual, respectful of those around me as well as completely aware that the world does not, unfortunately, revolve around me. My actions affect others, and my mama raised me to have manners or else I’d get my ass kicked.
After a few years working in the restaurant business, it’s become obvious to me that there are several individuals who do not share my thoughts on this matter, or else did not have a mother and father who taught them how NOT to be a douche bag.
So for this post, I thought I’d join the thousands of servers and bartenders who have already cried out in anger about the guy who didn’t tip, or the girl who sent her drink back 3 times, or the couple with the baby that made a mess of half the restaurant.
So, here it is, from my tiny pocket of the world –
(My) 10 Reasons the Bartender (or Server) Hates You
(In friendly pink text!)
1. “Hi! How are you? My name’s Ni-”
“YEAH, UH…LET ME GET A BOTTLE OF BUD. YOU GOT BURGERS? GIMME ONE OF THOSE TOO.”
In this scenario, I usually carry on with my friendly introduction anyway. More often than not, the customer then looks at me in total confusion.
2. (This one applies specifically to those who work in an airport.)
“I need my check, ASAP – I have a flight to catch!!”
My response: “NO WAY!!!”
3. ::Customer walks into extremely crowded restaurant and waves me over; meanwhile, I have two menus stuffed under each arm, stacks of dirty glasses in each hand and a fry in my hair::
Me: “Can I help you?”
“Yeah, are there any free tables?”
(Keep in mind, in this scenario, a large “Please Seat Yourself” sign is kept in clear view at the front of the restaurant.)
4. :Customer sits directly in front of beer taps::
Me: “Hi! Can I start you out with something to drink?”
Customer: “Yeah. What do you have on tap?”
::I turn around and do my best Vanna White impression::
5. Customer: “Is this tip okay?”
::Shows me the slip. Bill: $50. Tip: $2.::
Are you expecting me to say, “No, leave more, you cheapskate”?
6. ::Hand menu to customer::
Customer: “Do you have appetizers?”
Me: “Yes!” ::I point to ‘Starters’ section::
Customer: “Do you have soup?”
Me: “Yes” ::I point to ‘Soup/Salad’ section::
Customer: “Do you have -”
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, JUST READ THE MENU.
7. Customer: “So, uh…what’s good here?”
My mind’s response: “Nothing. It’s all crap. You don’t wanna eat here. You may as well just leave Right. Now.”
My actual response: “The chicken sandwiches are delicious!” (Eh, something like that.)
8. Customer: “There’s no alcohol in this drink.” (They just watched me make it, and pour about 2 ounces of vodka into the glass.)
I have no response for this.
9. ::I make my way to a table to deliver an order::
Me: “French fries?”
Me: “French fries?”
Customer(s): ::silence:: ::someone starts texting::
::I place french fries on table and walk away::
10. ::The ‘Section Closed’ sign is in place and I am busy mopping said section.::
Customer: “Is this section open?”
Again, no response to this.
This is only a tiny piece of the strange things we see and hear on a weekly basis. But – we put on a big, fake smile and tolerate, because at the end of the night, it’s (usually) worth it.