Early Morning Musings Part IV: Resolutions

sweep them under
the unwinding rug
heave those into that
far side cabinet
to coat themselves
in dust
tightly packed
in last year’s regrets
they’ll go into hiding
burning through the
closed door
“look at me,” they’ll
say
“We’re still here.”

Lessons in Hosting

 

Well, we officially survived the first Christmas in our new home!

I’ve never had to be a hostess before. I’ve only ever wandered from room to room, picking at the pepperoni and cheese and crackers (probably my favorite thing about Christmas – besides the family time and presents and blah blah blah) but this time was totally different! I had to clean and cook and slice the cheese myself and –

Alright, fine, I’ll admit it. Joe put the pork tenderloin in the oven. Joe’s sister brought a cheese and pepperoni platter so we didn’t have to cut any. When we wanted to add some muenster to the mix, my best friend cut some up and threw it on there. I put some crackers on a plate and set out the pre-made Cucumber Garlic dip and drank some wine and opened my presents and drank some more wine and ate some cookies and drank some more wine.

Worst. Hostess. Ever.

But for the record, I cleaned the entire house on Sunday, just in time for my future in-laws to fly in Monday morning to stay with us for a week! I also cleaned up something someone spilled on my kitchen counter.

Mr. Hotspur will appreciate the list of things I received this Christmas!

– A beautiful vanity from Joe, so I’ll stop bitching that I have to sit on the floor like a commoner while putting on my makeup. I scurried downstairs Christmas morning to find it already put together, a big red bow and the Charlie Brown Christmas tree perched on top!!!

– A sweet Everlast punching bag (also from my Joe), so I can take out my work-related aggression at home, in our basement!

– Towels and kitchen things and domesticated adult things from the future in-laws (I feel all grows up!).

– Clothes and more clothes from my ‘rents – all of those things I’m not supposed to be buying myself much anymore!

– Nail polish and a vintage find and other awesomeness from the best friend!

– One twice-stained table runner,

– One wine-stained oven mitt,

– One clogged toilet,

– Ashes on my back porch,

– Crumbs on the counter,

– A cheese-induced post-Christmas tummy ache,

– And a partridge in a pear tree.

All in all, things went very well. Our home is beautiful, my wonderful family is completely nuts, and we all went to bed with full bellies and visions of sugar plums raving in our heads.

Enjoying the lights and sounds of the season until the New Year.

Isn’t my handsome so festive? Best Christmas shirt ever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Friday!

 

Tootin’ My Own Horn (that’s what she said…)

Just checking in to brag for a moment (and to see if everyone enjoyed their Christmas)!

Well I got the best present ever. A season ticket to Le Clown’s Blogroll!

Check it out here. 

Happy Wednesday, everyone!

oui, oui.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

I had something a bit more epic planned for today, but in the hustle and bustle of late Christmas morning, I only have time to extend blessings and giggles to my blogging family. I love you all! Eat, drink and be merry.

Now here’s your giggle!

Merry Christmas ❤

 

Happenings

The past week feels like a blur, but what was I doing, really?

Playing with my new Xbox, soaking in the last moments with Joe’s parents before their journey back home, working a few shifts, relaxing and enjoying.

The dinner with all four parents went extremely well, by the way. So very happy about it!!! Whenever my lazy ass gathers the energy, there are all kinds of pictures to be posted on my spiffy new digital camera.

Joe and I both worked on New Years Eve until about 7PM; sounds like we got lucky, right? Time to par-tay! Stay up late! Watch that ball drop! Get our drink on!

Not when you’re both working the suicide shift at work the next morning. 5:30 AM to 9 PM. Oh yes, that’s right. Sixteen fabulous, fun-filled hours. (It was totally worth it, though, no matter how bad I wanted to crawl underneath the bar and take a snooze.)

Needless to say, we did not celebrate with friends on New Years Eve. Instead, we grabbed a 6 pack, each had one, and crawled into bed at 10:30. Midnight kiss a little premature, but it was fine by me. I woke up (briefly) at 12:01 anyway, from the booming of the fireworks and shouts outside our bedroom window, and all of the text messages that began flowing in.

We’ve been window shopping homes and taking each day as it comes.

My anxiety is getting easier to handle; it’s sort of like relearning to take things as they come – something I had no problem doing one month ago, but have had a problem with at several other points throughout my life. So, it’s just getting back in the ring, just like before. (Therapy continues to help.)

Joe is forming a new band with some friends, and I begin an 8-week writing course this Monday.

Dear Change,

I welcome you, no matter how intimidating you may seem at times. Be kind to me.

Love,

Nicole

I hope everyone is having an amazing 2012 so far.

🙂

 

An Announcement…

Those aren’t silver bells I’m hearing this holiday season!!!!!!!! 🙂

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas.

Have a holly, jolly Christmas

Pretty, isn't she?

Look! There’s three presents under there! (I won’t bother posting a “before” picture. And by “before” I mean what the cute little tree looked like when I was finished decorating it. Of course Christmas Master Joseph took over and did a bit of tweaking. The lights now blink and she doesn’t look so sad.) I woke up this morning and dove under the bed to unearth the gifts I’ve bought for Joe, so far.

Those three little things are all I’ve bought so far. For anyone. And as far as I know, he has yet to buy anything, either.

I know a few people who begin shopping in October, and once Thanksgiving has come and gone, they have their feet up on a Saturday afternoon instead of throwing ‘bows in Sears to get to the last set of novelty boxers. Ugh.

But me? I like to torture myself by figuring things out last minute, scrambling and stressing over what to get, second-guessing my purchases, draining my bank account all at once, beating up an old lady for the last roll of wrapping paper. Happy Holidays, everyone!

But it’s all worth it in the end, isn’t it? When you wake up Christmas morning and leap down the stairs (at least I do), excited to give (and receive…duh!). Joe enjoys torturing me Christmas morning, just as my parents always did. He has to stretch and yawn and slowly throw both legs over the side of the bed. Then he has to use the bathroom, put on a pot of coffee, creep on Facebook and thank each and every person who wished him a Merry Christmas, tune into the Yule Log (one of my favorite parts of this day), complete with cheery Holiday music.

And then! Then, if I’m lucky, we can begin opening presents.

When it comes to this holiday of holidays, I haven’t changed much in the last 23 years.

I’ve been immersing myself into the spirit of the season, trying to reel myself completely in from this depression. A comforting email from Joe’s mother (a huge thank you to Phylis), as well as the continued support of others have helped. A lot. The moments of complete clarity – where I can be my former self, where I can see and feel everything as it truly still is – are getting longer.

A girlfriend of mine told me, “You’re just in a dark place right now. But your mind and your heart are stronger than that. You will come back from it.”

Well, at the moment, the dark place isn’t so dark. I can almost see in front of me. That may be the help of the Christmas lights; there’s definitely some light flooding in.