Tag Archives: scary

Pessimistic Predictions

fearofdeath

wikiHow

When Joe and I were planning our Disney World vacation/honeymoon (finally!), obviously I was excited. We booked the flight, the hotel, the whole shebang just three weeks before we were to embark on our magical journey to The Happiest Place On Earth. So while most people, immersed in such a scenario, are fidgeting with excitement at their work desks, planning every vacation day out in their minds…what was I doing?

I was picturing a shoelace caught in an escalator and me suddenly legless, four-car pileups on the way to work, a freak explosion erupting in my face while cooking dinner, murdered while fumbling for keys outside a dark house….

bad news,

bad news,

bad.

news.

Disney and death don’t exactly mesh together.

I held my breath as we boarded our flight from Philadelphia to Orlando, right by the airplane wing.

“Can you assist in an emergency?” the flight attendant asked the few of us seated in this area. Each one of us was required to call out an individual “yes”.

Then I was asked if I was at least fifteen, since that is how old you have to be to assist.

I stared while she demonstrated how to make use of the oxygen mask, the life vest, the seatbelt. When all was said and done I ordered a Jack and Coke.

Once we’d landed and made it out and to the resort, I breathed a sigh of relief and let Joe in on how crazy I was being. He laughed and told me not to worry. We had an amazing time.

But it isn’t just vacation, you see. At any given moment my brain will shoot out the sunlight and bring on the darkness, only it most enjoys playing target practice when I’m looking forward to something.

The only comfort I find when the scary kicks in is in thinking: how likely would it be that I am predicting my own death, right before it happens? Then surely I have some sort of powers!

Perhaps it’s just all that time I spend watching the ID channel, and writing about the macabre. Either way, one of these days my prediction will be right, but that’s okay. We all gotta go some time, so let’s make the most of this crazy life.

Does anyone else find their brains churning out such unwanted scenarios?

Oh, and check this out.

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Public Speaking Sucks.

I don't know. It's just scary.

I don’t know. It’s just scary.

 

FINALLY! Cable. Internet. I spent the last few days catching up on mindless television since I’d spent two weeks without it. Now it’s back to blogging and noveling. I added “noveling” to my computer’s dictionary. It’s a real word, damnit. So, tonight is the night! The Apiary #5 Launch Party, where I will be reading (first) and boozing (second) and mingling (second and third). In order to give every contributor a chance to read, everyone will receive 3 minutes to read an excerpt from their piece. I timed myself and practiced and everything!

Although I had a few large parts and even solos in high school theater (I was even Rizzo in Grease! So much fun.) I still experience extreme fear of speaking in front of a crowd. Unless of course I’m drunk, in which case you’ll have to rip me from the stage. However, it would probably be a bad idea to get my buzz on before taking the stage to try and impress a bunch of writers, so I’m gonna stay away from the booze for this one.

I’m still convinced I’ll mess up and say “fuck” or “penis” or something by accident.

I’m hoping mother or Joe or someone will take a video of my 3 minute performance-of-a-lifetime. Then, if my lisp isn’t too obvious (I’m convinced I have one), I’ll post it here for all to enjoy/laugh at/make fun of my hair and outfit or something.

I am officially back in the ‘sphere of blogging. Feel free to jump for joy. And wish me luck.

I’ll mail you a copy of the issue if you want. I plan on taking as many as my skinny arms can carry.

Happy Friday!

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