With aging photos, phone calls planning dinner,
with the same story of the same diner pancakes
on countless Sundays that you never finished, but
were allowed to order anyway.
With your great aunt in the hospital hallway
being selfish as usual, with your father in the
hospital hallway with circles under his eyes
the size of dinner plates, dirt in the brim of
his baseball cap, sipping coffee and watching
his father die.
You grieve him with the counting of his breath
like the anticipation between lightning and thunder,
with laughter you managed to scrape from the very
bottom of your lungs.
With yoga, with a glass of milk, with quick,
quiet crying in the cereal aisle of the supermarket.
You line up sympathy cards like paper trinkets
on the mantel, and you grieve because they grieve for you.
You grieve without sadness too, the first time you’re able
to say you lost him without hunching your shoulders.
With every look at your rounding belly,
the shape of some new world without him in it
except he is, in the still unknown face of your son.
Over coffee, over breakfast, over a good book,
watching your favorite television show, paying
for an ice cream, kissing your husband goodnight,
brushing your hair.
You grieve him in any way, in every way, in light and dark,
10 responses to “This is How You Grieve Him”
Beautiful words, Nicole. I’m so sorry about your grandpa. He will be missed.
Thank you, Amy. I appreciate that. And he really will be. ❤
I’m so sorry about your grandpa, Nicole. What a wonderful tribute to him…you’ll do a fabulous job telling your little guy about him. xo
Thank you so much, pretty lady. ❤ ❤
What a lovely tribute. Hugs to you.
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I just read your post at Hasty Words…beautifully penned. I am so sorry for your loss. You are right, grieving is anytime, anywhere, no right or wrong way it consumes you and slips out when you least expect it. I lost my mom Dec 2nd and know that my heart is with you. When my father passed, my daughter announced she was pregnant that same week…I knew she would have a boy before she did. Grief is like having washers that are worn out, you never know when the taps will leak. Blessings, Oliana xx
Oliana, thank you for this amazing comment. I am so sorry for your loss as well. I will keep you in my thoughts while we are each grieving the loss of someone we loved dearly. xo
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