Blah. That’s all I got.
Okay – that’s not all I got, but my body feels like it’s going to crumble into a million tiny pieces. We are still short-staffed at work ::cue the violins:: and every one of us is working 5-6 days a week. It wouldn’t be so bad if the majority of customers weren’t jackasses. Thanks for tipping me 60 cent on $50. Choke on your cheesesteak. Have a nice day.
I’m still wiping away the snot and tears – so attractive – from this video I just watched over at my pretend mama’s blog. It’s truly a shame, the way some of us see ourselves. But I have to say I fall deep into this category. Like GingerSnaap said, had I been the one on the other side of that curtain I would have done the same. thing.
“I have a weak chin,” I’d blurt out. “My nose is sorta pointy. Oh, and I definitely have the forehead of a Neanderthal. My eyebrows are waaaaaaay too low. It’s especially noticeable when I smile.”
“That ‘beauty’ mark on the right side of my jawline is annoying too.”
I went to the gym before work this morning. (Marathon day is next Sunday and I’m trying to get in those few last runs AND a bit of weight training; whatever it takes to make me feel a bit stronger.) As I approached the “12 minute Abs” section, I walked by a few men weight training nearby. As I passed, for whatever reason I sucked in my gut. I was embarrassed. I felt fat. I felt like I didn’t belong. Unfortunately, this has become sort of a subconscious thing for me – before today – and I’m just now realizing how sad it is. These people probably didn’t even notice me, let alone look at me like “what’s with the fat girl in the ‘ab’ area? She doesn’t have any abs to work on”. After years and years of being embarrassed of/worrying about my appearance, this has become my norm.
But this has to stop.
I’ve received compliments on the weight I’ve lost. I’ve been called “tiny” – “skinny” even. Today, a male customer wrote this on their check:
“You’re great, and you’re REALLY pretty!”
So for a few hours, my ego went way, way up. Then it went down again. The norm.
No one is perfect, are they? But we all matter. We are loved. There is someone who thinks we are beautiful from head to toe to snorting laugh to ugly cry. Joe still kisses me good morning when there’s eyeliner streaked across my face and bags the size of Texas beneath my eyes. He laughs and calls me Pig Pen when I haven’t washed my hair for 3 days, but then he pulls me close to him. So why not crumble up those insecurities and toss them in the recycling bin?
We say we’ll try, we say we’ll stop, but it really is a struggle. All I can say is good luck. Let’s try our best; we are beautiful, no matter what they say…words won’t bring us down….
Oh wait, sorry. Had a bit of a Christina moment there.
I love you all. And you are all beautiful, beautiful people.
Thank you for the inspiration for this post, mama.
Visit GingerSnaap and her beautiful words (and self) here: http://ohmygawdjustdowhatisay.wordpress.com/