How do you make a tissue dance?

Come ooooooon. I know you know. I also know you still pick your nose, when you’re alone (or you think you’re alone, AKA in your car where everyone can still see through the windows yet you think you’re under some sort of invisibility cloak), trying to reach that stubborn one that just can’t be removed the socially acceptable way, blown from your snout directly into a tissue that is then balled up and shoved into the pocket of your khakis.

As I sit here, still in my Grinch pajama pants and one of Joe’s green t shirts, my love greeted me with a good morning kiss and then looked me up and down (obviously drinking in my beauty), when suddenly he parted his lips and uttered,

“You’re in all green! You look like a big boogie!”

Thank you, for that (mature) “compliment”.

So after I told him to shut up, I got to thinking about little kids, and how they’ll pick their nose no matter who’s looking; they own that shit, they dig for that buried treasure like it’s nobody’s business, and to them, it isn’t.

“F*ck off man, I’m pickin’ my nose here. Oh, you’re gonna keep lookin’ anyway? Here, I’ll EAT it then. How ya like that?”

Now I can honestly say (from what I remember) I never ate my boogers as a kid. They just never looked appetizing to me. Do children do this for lack of a better place to put them? If you don’t  have a tissue they can be pretty difficult to get rid of. It’s like that little piece of plastic shopping bag that rips off and sticks to your finger, and no matter how violently you wave your hand around in the air, that thing won’t come off. 

My solution as a kid? Wipe it under your seat. I know what you’re thinking, I’m disgusting!

But I like to think I was a genius. Ahead of my time, I think. Under couches. Under the car seat. Hey, at least I had the courtesy to wipe it where no one would notice. If my mother is reading this and never knew, I’m sorry. Don’t worry, you won’t find anything under your current vehicle or couch cushions. Those items I used as my personal giant tissue are long gone.

But hey, nowadays I do it the grown-up way and blow them into a tissue, or wipe them into a tissue if they’re difficult to get at. I even wash my hands after. And I’ll only do this while driving if it’s dark outside. I have manners.

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